Just the other day I overheard two young, professional women in conversation. One casually responded to the other “Yeah, you’ve got to fake it ‘til you make it.” I paused, and to be honest I suddenly felt a bit off. As I recall several times early in my career that I might have casually thrown that phrase around or thought about it, it no longer aligns with my beliefs. In fact, I’m against it, and here’s why.
The sheer definition of being authentic is a state of being committed to your truth without egoic distortions and societal conditioning. This kind of truth comes from within - it is a knowingness and self-awareness of the true you. Your truth is only revealed when you understand your life’s evolution minus the distractions. This occurs with experience, maturity, and a willingness to do self-work and pay attention to yourself.
Through my own evolution and life experiences I know my true self. I also know for a fact that it is not possible to fake character. You can’t fake authenticity, genuineness or who you really are. I have witnessed countless people attempt to fake character traits that they don’t truly possess and this act places undue pressure to be something that they’re not. How is one to be happy or even content if they are chasing an illusion of what they want to be versus being themselves? It’s one thing to look towards others for inspiration or guidance, it’s another thing to set them as the standard by which you measure every outcome in your life. The latter is not a healthy way to live.
This is not a belief that came naturally to me, but rather it was instilled in me after years of struggling with the same mentality. And over time it became a core value and principal of the way I live and lead in life.
In my mid-twenties on Wall Street, I learned, by example, that what I lacked in experience I could make up for in faking confidence. I was scared to allow others to ‘see’ the insecurity I had about my lack of knowledge or experience so faking my way through interactions seemed appropriate at times. In my mind, I thought this would make me appear more confident and competent. But in my heart, it felt like I was conforming. I was working very hard at making myself more like those around me, so that I would be perceived as someone who was confident and had “made it”. While this may have served a purpose on several occasions, there were just as many times where I would be red-in-the-face embarrassed because I could feel that what I was projecting was not true to who I am.
It took me a few years to come to the realization that I did not need people to perceive me as someone I thought they wanted me to be. That was in my head and it was my egoic mind that had created this perception. I just needed to be who I am because in every role, in every city and with every client I was in exactly the right place. This revelation has had a profound impact on both my career and my personal development. The grace this has brought forth in how I carry myself, how I manage my business and how my career has evolved is invaluable.
Growth, both personally and professionally, requires that you face challenges and overcome them. You cannot simply coast on a false sense of assurance. It is through experiences and interactions with others that you learn who you are and how to guide yourself with compassion. People want you to be you and they want to connect with genuine human beings. Traits like respect, honesty, integrity and vulnerability are valued by humans. It is for these reasons it’s not right to mask your feelings with false words and behaviors.
While the INTENTION of “fake it ‘til you make it” is to level-up, grow, and be successful, the ACTION behind the phrase hinders being your authentic self. I understand that the mantra might be a motivator and provide some people with forward momentum, however its side effects can be detrimental and force one to lose touch of who they truly are. The toxic mentality this phrase suggests is that there is one standard definition of “making it.” but that’s false. We should not all be striving to attain the same external or material goals. We are unique individuals, and all make our mark in our own ways. Ditching the “faking it” mentality frees you to share who you really are with people.
I know it can be scary to share the true you because it requires unfiltered realness, but I promise it’s transformative. Being authentic means giving up the reigns of control every now and then and seeing where your path takes you. You don’t need to be prepared for every situation, you just need to be prepared to learn.
So out with FAKING IT and in with BEING YOU. It’s time to embrace that real people attract real people, and that true confidence comes from introspectively nurturing our REAL selves. You can’t fake it, you must cultivate it.
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