Imagine this: You’re five years old and out of the blue, your dad wakes up paralyzed from the waist down. He’s in the hospital for months on end until he is finally diagnosed. It’s lupus, in the most severe, chronic form of the disease.
Gone is your dad’s ability to earn income, and with that, gone is your family’s ability to enjoy the life they once knew or simple necessities, like food. Your mom works many jobs to support the family as best as she can, but the future of the family has been changed forever.
This was my childhood. That five-year-old is me. I have no recollection of my father as a healthy man. What I do recall are constant struggles to pay the bills, very difficult times, and yet, persevering through it all.
I didn’t completely understand everything that was happening then and couldn’t appreciate how hard it was on my parents to provide for me and my siblings. In fact, I often felt inferior to others and would compare myself to classmates and their families. The much wiser me knows now that comparison is unnecessary and being yourself is always enough.
I invested my time and energy into the relationships I built with friends at school and their families. These relationships and my studies were solaces for me because it was the one environment where I could excel. School was a means for me to set goals and accomplish them, then gain recognition for my achievements. It was a place where I felt like me, and that felt good.
Academically, I always succeeded. Even though no one in my extended family had graduated from college, I knew I was going to go. Sure, there were zero funds to help pay for books, let alone tuition, but I would figure that out. After all, I had grown up in a family of six on an inconsistent, single parent income. Finding resources in places where they were scarce was something I had gotten good at over the past thirteen years. My dad was a huge proponent of me attending college. He believed in me and taught me to believe in myself, to rely on myself. I balanced full-time summer gigs and part-time shifts over holiday breaks, academic scholarships, and a work-study job to provide myself the education that I had always dreamed of.
My father passed away when I was a sophomore in college. Of course, this was an extremely difficult time—one that made me question many of my prior beliefs. Unexpectedly, I found intense strength from it. Knowing that my dad was no longer suffering and that he was looking over me brought a sense of peace. I felt then, as I feel now and always will, his love and unwavering belief in my abilities to create my own reality.
My success in both my career and in life has come from a deep understanding that I create the life I want to live. Hard work, resilience, and perseverance have gotten me to where I am today. There is no substitution for these traits. I set my intention every day and choose how I behave, how I treat others, and where the day will take me.
Life will definitely feel at times like it’s not on your side. Decide to be the best version of yourself and keep moving forward. Find your grit, hold on to the things that fill you up and seek out positive additions.
My father couldn’t give me much materially but the support he did give me is forever in my memory. Maturity is a beautiful thing because I have become more confident and proud of my backstory. My difficult childhood shaped me and is in part why intuitively I trust that I will always succeed.
When people see me today, they make assumptions about how I was brought up. They think that I must be a product of a wealthy, college-educated family, where everything I’ve achieved was handed to me on a silver spoon. This could not be further from the truth. The life I have built is completely my own; however, I was able to build it thanks to (not in spite of) a challenging childhood. The obstacles I overcame growing up are what formed me into a big-dreaming, overachieving risk taker, unafraid to put in long hours and tons of energy to make her dreams come true.
Hurdles in life are there for a reason, to teach a lesson and lead to the next opportunity. If you have dreams that seem impossible, I implore you—don’t let your circumstances limit you. Set goals and pursue them with vigor. Nothing can stop you in achieving your vision.
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