The new year is always an interesting time for people. It’s an opportunity to reset, begin again, start anew. It’s also a reminder of past failed attempts to change. Are you the person that will focus on what you want to quit doing and remove from your life? Or the person that will focus on what to start doing and invite into your life? No matter how you approach it, there are two key aspects to being successful with aspirations for a new year.
First, choose something that is not only attainable but that you are confident you can and will continue throughout the year. Whatever it is you choose, whether it’s to remove something from your diet or pick up a new exercise regimen or study a new topic, it will need to become part of your lifestyle, part of your new way of being. Just know this and commit to it rather than let it be daunting. If you get off course for a day or a week, do not let that deter you. You’re better than that. Keep going. Get right back up and into action. Do not make excuses that are going to keep you playing small. I remember so vividly certain years where I set out to make great changes at the onset of the year, only to allow myself to be distracted then disappointed I didn’t follow through. This is all too common, but this year is different. Because this year you have a renewed sense of determination, drive and positive energy. Ride that momentum!
Second, make your choice about making you a better version of yourself. Visualize that better version of you each day and know that the effort you are putting in will compound over time. Six months from now when you look back at what you have accomplished and the new lifestyle you have created, you will have so much to be proud of, and likely new goals that you are aiming for. Only you can envision and manifest that better version of you. No one else can offer you that, no amount of money, no magic pill, nothing. Just you, so make it happen!
I actually do not have a resolution this year. I am not currently focused on resolving anything in my life, I feel as though that’s what 2019 was all about and I did tons of deep self-work. I realize, however, I am extremely focused on being the best version of me every single day going forward. Even on the days when it feels so hard. Even the days that are tough and I am not sure where to find the strength. Historically, those are the days I would let myself be tossed about and thrown off course. But, I now have the tools to keep myself on track. Tools that are the biggest lessons of the decade, for me. The best tool I have in my toolkit? Self-love. Now that I have learned to cultivate love for myself, my number one goal for 2020 is to continue to foster it.
I find it pretty incredible that the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my entire thirty-eight years of being alive is to truly love myself. How can this be? Well, unfortunately, self-love is not at all the norm in this society. Loving ourselves is not something we are necessarily taught. Many parents tend to do the best they can with what they know, so it’s not their fault. It’s just not a standard in our societal upbringing. As we approach adulthood, so much of our culture turns focus and awareness to the external, superficial, material world. Life for many becomes about what others think, how to present themselves, what standards others set for them and possessions. Not so much about what they actually feel and believe about themselves. Self-love is certainly not a mainstream topic of conversation.
We do not hear news stories about how someone changed their life by finding self-love. When someone goes through a tough time they aren’t approached with “are you properly giving yourself love?” Many people think that this type of discussion is only for a therapist to delve into. I disagree. It can and should be more mainstream. Because it really matters.
“Life’s a game made for everyone and LOVE is a prize”. I believe in this whole-heartedly (it also happens to be a phrase in one of my favorite Avicci songs). My interpretation is the love being referenced is radical self-love. Love inside of you, not outside of you. As humans we are all souls seeking to be loved. The irony in this reality is that this love we seek is actually to love ourselves. Yet, most of our lives it has seemed that the quest is to find a partner to spend our life with and to secure love externally.
While it can be rewarding, beautiful and certainly a prize to have a partner in life, seeking love from another to make oneself whole can lead to disappointment and emptiness. The key is for you to love YOU. Humans fall in and out of love with others all the time, but how many actually love themselves first? Once you know self-love and radiate in it you can truly offer love to another. The most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself. Loving yourself is crucial to your vitality and happiness in life. That’s the real prize.
Without cultivating unconditional love for oneself, your soul will crave it and continuously push you toward its actualization through life lessons. Experiences are presented in life as opportunities to wake up to the love you have to give to yourself.
Once self-love is cultivated the world becomes more clear. You become more self-confident and issues pertaining to self-worth and self-esteem are eroded. Your relationships become more smooth. You are able to steer clear of negativity and surf above the noise. It just cannot get to you because you are not willing to dim your light or stop loving yourself enough to allow it in. You can choose to honor yourself even when something tries to knock you down.
“It is up to each of us to choose how we go through life. Perception belongs only to the individual. No one can change that for you because how you perceive yourself and your world is up to you.”
This life is for all of us that are alive right now. It’s ours to create and to experience. It’s all a matter of what we make of it. We can honor our lives, believe in ourselves and learn to practice self-love until it becomes muscle memory. We can stand in our own innate power and live the life we desire. Or we can be a victim to our surroundings, compare ourselves to everyone, and focus on material things. It is up to each of us to choose how we go through life. Perception belongs only to the individual. No one can change that for you because how you perceive yourself and your world is up to you. The secret to transforming your life and living a life you love is self-love. The truth is loving yourself is a game changer. It is self-actualization.
Recounting my journey over the last year, I can’t help but express gratitude for all that has changed around me but most importantly within. Every single experience, good or bad / positive or negative, has served its purpose. Times of fear, anger, resentment, grief, sorrow have all been a lesson or a gift as much as the times of joy, laughter, peace. Each and every attachment or cycle has bubbled to the surface to help me see life more clearly and get closer to my truth.
The clarity that comes with one’s truth is a blessing and gives a color to life like we have never before seen. It is like the entire world starts to appear and unfold in ways that we never saw coming. I can now acknowledge and honor my authentic self without censorship or shame. I believe that living authentically is what we all deserve.
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